The Decisions

Soooo, here's a thing. I ended up. This is the end of the post. See ya!

no, kidding. The last sentence was a joke but the recent was right. ummm ...

I can't tell the whole stories because it's a privacy. But the important thing is that i ended it up peacefully :). There will be lots of judgements that will be made by people but it's okay, i'll take whatever judgements they make. Because everything has consequences.

Everybody wants a better life, so do I. Wish you guys a better life and pls wish me the same thing :).

Part of The List

     Things became extremely unexpected, no one knows what would happen next. I've been thru new highs and lows, like in a new level. Things have changed for me and thought it was okay. Now, thing goes right, thing goes wrong. I'm in the middle of my confusion which is confusing that made me confused.

I learned something. "Don't judge a book by its cover" ,after thinking over and over again i thought Appearance affects our first impressions. People might say DON'T judge people by their appearance while they couldn't see other hearts, could they? Not telling you the statement which againts that statement. Just wanna share what i thought. Appearance affects first impressions, yes only for the very first time because heart is something that can't be seen by eyes, you have to know 'em more and you'll know who they are then. And i really got into this, into this big statement that i just realized lately. There're such lots stories i wanna share but confused which one should i start.

     I'm in a dilemma. Yes, dilemma. I'm feeling blue, deep blue.

I don't know what to do, i couldn't figure out anything. 

If yes we were made for each other, God wouldn't apart us. Why i feel so stupid like this, why i feel like i'm the only one who often do wrongs and pathetic at deciding things. Oh please, thing that i think is the best for me now won't always be like that in the future. I'm crazy about this. It's like someone/thing is digging something buried underneath. If you are the one then why it should be another one? if you're the best why i felt like there's none best of me. Please take me away, i wanna scream out and runaway.

I still couldn't believe if there would be anyone else who would do the same things as you did. You know you can't even predict feelings, even your own feeling. I sad at once, twice and so on. Memories won't fade away, i sit and reminisce every single of it. I sweep the bad ones and i keep the rest. There's no place to go, there's nothing to say.

Do you see how much i need you rite now? no you won't. No you NEVER WILL.

me, Bali 2010

So what's the conclusion ? solution ? If i were a musician i might have written lots of song.
There're so much thoughts in my mind. argh. 
i miss the time i smiled and laughed out loud when i was in Junior High School, i miss the way i visited canteen with ma guys and my love mate. Junior high school's life seemed perfect. Yes i was labile (perhaps until now) but it life seemed good. Not saying life is worse now, i just reminiscing how happy i was. My scores were fine, didn't have any problem whether with the teachers or friends. But, yes there're problems with the relationship but it's awkaay i got thru it. "i shall stop digging the past ...." like what my friend said. She's true. But still, i couldn't get rid of it. What should i do then? I asked the same question over and over again.

Don't miss those chances!

     I seldom update in this blog. Yes, i do. School is getting busier and hectic day by day. And my Mid-test for almost couple weeks was over. yeaaaay! About the result ...we'll see ....hehe

     Well, while preparing for the exam, I took a little time to participate in some of the photography competitions which has become one of my hobbies now *teehe*. You know there're lots of opportunities out there, but still ...i'm a beginner so both of my eagerness for experience and my optimism are my capital :). I felt how hard it was for some times, and how hard i have to againts my laziness in the other hand Ima a procrastinator heee. But i also knew how happy it was and i enjoyed it so much! When i collected my photos to participate in ,it always feels like "Oh Gosh,i'm nervous ... i wish i would win this! But....what if others photos are better than mine...what if the judge confused to choose for the best...what if ...." well,random things haha. And now i realized everyone has their own creativity and ideas, so just be yourself, keep your optimism and believe that you'll win this! yet you also have to accept whatever the result will be. 

     I was sad when i knew i wasn't took any part of the winners in a competition that i joined. As the time goes by, i realize there're many people who are better than me, the skills, the ideas and etc. Those made me never stop trying and raise my passion to improve my skill. Highs and lows are needed, never get arrogant for something you achieved when you in high and never stop trying while you were in lows. Both are two important things which will teach us to stay humble and stronger.
     But i also have felt what it feels to be a winner so it's kinda balanced,not trying to show it off but it's like a lesson i learned. Optimism, patience and your never endless spirit are three significant things to reach what do you want. I love to share my experiences, hope it will help you guys ahead and would be like to hear yours too ! Feel free to share:)


Now, lemme share one or two of my experiences.

     On 1st October 2011, several of my friends and I joined a rally photo competition held by SMAN 67 in Kota Tua. It was fun and hooooot 'til i got my skin turned into black  :(. Took lots of photos, met new strangers (other participants) and few new friends. The announcement will be announced this 22th October! Wishing for the best :)
     The first week of October i joined a rally photo held by Al-Azhar Pusat with their event called "AlpusINC3". It's sooo far from home but yeaah i was so excited! The announcement had already announced on last 8th October and i wasn't win but they displayed three of my photos hihi. 

I participated in TARQ CUP XV, collected a photo. Today is the day where they're going to announce the winners.


What i could take here is, it doesn't matter whether you're or aren't a winner, achieve trophy or prizes they promised, but under our consciousness we learned something that worth it, indirectly. 


"Experience is the best teacher"
#neversaynever ! :)