Part of The List

     Things became extremely unexpected, no one knows what would happen next. I've been thru new highs and lows, like in a new level. Things have changed for me and thought it was okay. Now, thing goes right, thing goes wrong. I'm in the middle of my confusion which is confusing that made me confused.

I learned something. "Don't judge a book by its cover" ,after thinking over and over again i thought Appearance affects our first impressions. People might say DON'T judge people by their appearance while they couldn't see other hearts, could they? Not telling you the statement which againts that statement. Just wanna share what i thought. Appearance affects first impressions, yes only for the very first time because heart is something that can't be seen by eyes, you have to know 'em more and you'll know who they are then. And i really got into this, into this big statement that i just realized lately. There're such lots stories i wanna share but confused which one should i start.

     I'm in a dilemma. Yes, dilemma. I'm feeling blue, deep blue.

I don't know what to do, i couldn't figure out anything. 

If yes we were made for each other, God wouldn't apart us. Why i feel so stupid like this, why i feel like i'm the only one who often do wrongs and pathetic at deciding things. Oh please, thing that i think is the best for me now won't always be like that in the future. I'm crazy about this. It's like someone/thing is digging something buried underneath. If you are the one then why it should be another one? if you're the best why i felt like there's none best of me. Please take me away, i wanna scream out and runaway.

I still couldn't believe if there would be anyone else who would do the same things as you did. You know you can't even predict feelings, even your own feeling. I sad at once, twice and so on. Memories won't fade away, i sit and reminisce every single of it. I sweep the bad ones and i keep the rest. There's no place to go, there's nothing to say.

Do you see how much i need you rite now? no you won't. No you NEVER WILL.

me, Bali 2010

So what's the conclusion ? solution ? If i were a musician i might have written lots of song.
There're so much thoughts in my mind. argh. 
i miss the time i smiled and laughed out loud when i was in Junior High School, i miss the way i visited canteen with ma guys and my love mate. Junior high school's life seemed perfect. Yes i was labile (perhaps until now) but it life seemed good. Not saying life is worse now, i just reminiscing how happy i was. My scores were fine, didn't have any problem whether with the teachers or friends. But, yes there're problems with the relationship but it's awkaay i got thru it. "i shall stop digging the past ...." like what my friend said. She's true. But still, i couldn't get rid of it. What should i do then? I asked the same question over and over again.