Hidden Love

     You may feel amused when you read the title above. Seems cheesy also corny. But that's what i was feeling lately. If you've read my old post about Love, you know that i only have one ex. One and the only one. We split up during the holidays last semester...I did it. For a lot of reasons, couldn't tell you more but trust me..that wasn't about unnecessary things. And seemed that he had back toward his ex rite now. How about me? nope. i didn't get my eye for someone else. I know, i know i shouldn't think about this any longer but...thought i could lie to people but i couldn't lie to myself. And i thought by posting it would make it any better.

     Do you know what it feels like ? seeing someone who you loved with someone else special. I know.

Hurts. Even s/he's not cheating or doing any bad thing on you. It ended up but still..i can't pretend like everything's okay. I used to try it but..negative. it didn't work as well... I couldn't put aside this feeling, i can't pull to one side from this fact that i still....i still... got this illegal  feelings. I mean , i still love him. I despise this feelings but nothing i could do but..MOVE ON. Thought he had given me the strength to move on. Gosh..it just too hurt so much (seem excessive. but that's all what I could express at this time) "too"+"so much"= X_X

She, she had another man before He had me. I'm not blaming anyone. I'm okay physically but inwardly...speechless. Sounds like a sad song,pain. Despite the fact that he had his eye for another girl but i still smiling here. I'm stronger, i'm stronger everytime i saw both of them together. This is the first time i felt thing like this. 

      Yesterday, my best friend came to my school and i met her in front of His class. And there were Him with Her also. It turned me out to sad​. There's nothing to do but greet them. no sense of revenge, Nope. I'm not naive. but there is no sense of revenge but jealous ... every time I saw them, it reminded me of something what we used to do at school. So sad to remember it. I remember going to canteen to buy snacks at break time.

I really want to cry but the tears couldn't fall as easy as I typed that word "cry". Is this something that deserves to be mourned?  There're more important things in this world to get upset about than this, i've cried rarely lately. And i won't let myself cry out for something like this. I have to move on..move on isn't always about searching somebody to be dating ahead. But do something to make this illegal love up. "Illegal Love" sounds ridiculous.

Do you know? i've read this post more than twice by listening I want to hold your hand & On My Own songs as the backsong. Touching.   #fail #random

But this is life..Reality is reality, we have to face it. It's so much better than avoid them. Be strong! I'm trying as well, i love my life and won't waste it .

But still.... I Love You K. 

I like listening to slow song lately such as : ...

On My Own - Lea Michele (Glee cast)

On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him 'til morning
Without him, I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way, I close my eyes and he has found me

In the rain
The pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever

And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say there's a way for us

I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river
Without him, the world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers

I love him
But every day I'm lonely
All my life I've only been pretending
Without me, his world will go on turning
The world is full of happiness that I have never known

I love him
I love him
I love him...
But only on my own... 

I Want to Hold Your Hand - Glee cast

Glee – I Want To Hold Your Hand Lyrics

Oh yeah, I’ll tell you something
I think you’ll understand
When I’ll say that something
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand

Oh please, say to me
You’ll let me be your man
And please, say to me
You’ll let me hold your hand
I’ll let me hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand

And when I touch you I feel happy
Inside
It’s such a feeling that my love
I can’t hide
I can’t hide
I can’t hide

Yeah, you’ve got that something
I think you’ll understand
When I’ll say that something
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand

And when I touch you I feel happy
Inside
It’s such a feeling that my love
I can’t hide
I can’t hide
I can’t hide

Yeah, you’ve got that something
I think you’ll understand
When I’ll feel that something
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand

 

Grenade - Bruno Mars

Easy come, easy go
That's just how you live, oh
Take, take, take it all,
But you never give
Should of known you was trouble from the first kiss,
Why were they open?
Gave you all I had
And you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked,
Cause what you don't understand is
I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby;
But you won't do the same

No, no, no, no
Black, black, black and blue beat me till I'm numb
Tell the devil I said “hey” when you get back to where you're from
Mad woman, bad woman,
That's just what you are, yeah,
You’ll smile in my face then rip the breaks out my car
Gave you all I had
And you tossed it in the trash

You tossed it in the trash, yes you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked
Cause what you don't understand is
I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby;
But you won't do the same

If my body was on fire, ooh
You’ d watch me burn down in flames
You said you loved me you're a liar
Cause you never, ever, ever did baby...
But darling I’ll still catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby;
But you won't do the same.
No, you won’t do the same,
You wouldn’t do the same,
Ooh, you’ll never do the same,
No, no, no, no  

I've sang this song passionately during the show! OMG ! BRUNO MARS's CONCERT ! last Tuesday.

SPEEEECHLEEEEEEESSSS. I love him so much! his voice is extremely amazing! Amazed me a lot. And he's very charming. Charmed me damn much.

not showing off. i just can't handle how happy i was with this gratifying moment.